Clarity
by theStarchilde
Summary: A sort of look into Sheridan's mind during his conversation with Delenn in A Distant Star (Season 2). Probably has been done many times before.


**Clarity**

**Just something that came to me after a recent re-watching of a **_**Distant Star**_**. I always wondered what was running through Sheridan's mind during Delenn's speech. Judging from his expression it looked like that was quite an eye-opener for him. Babylon 5 does not belong to me. Neither does the dialogue. Credit goes to J.M Straczynski for creating Babylon 5, D.C Fontana for writing the episode (and since a few parts were adapted from Carl Sagan, credit goes to him as well) and, last but not least, to the great and wonderful Bruce Boxleitner and Mira Furlan for putting such an amazing performance. Enjoy!**

"_The universe puts us in places where we can learn. There are never easy places, but they are right._ _Wherever we are is the right place at the right time_."

John Sheridan's attention was almost unwillingly caught by those words. He looked at Delenn wonderingly. She spoke as if she knew what she was talking about. More than that, she seemed to address more than the crisis at hand. This was not only about offering him condolences for the men he had lost. It felt like confirming the doubts that had been bothering him for a long while, about what he was doing on Babylon 5 and whether he was really doing any good by being there. He was learning from Babylon 5, there was no denying that. And it was most certainly not an easy place. But could he, dare he, go so far as to consider it also the right place to be?

"_The pain that sometimes comes is part of the process of constantly being born."_

She spoke like someone who knew these things well. No, Sheridan realised suddenly. It was more than that. She spoke as if she herself was just discovering these things and had decided to share their power with someone who had the need for them too. It was moving and Sheridan guessed that, despite the circumstances he should be honoured that she had chosen him to share that discovery with.

When he remarked that she seemed to be talking from experience, Delenn did not hesitate to confirm it. And perhaps, Sheridan mused, that was why she believed so strongly that she was doing the will of the universe. Because she was one of those people who craved for a sense of purpose. But then again, Sheridan realised, so was he.

Despite that, though, Sheridan himself had begun to doubt the guidance of a greater will. Too many blows in too short a time could do that to a person. He even told Delenn that he doubted the universe from time to time, that he could not believe as she clearly did. When Delenn turned to look at him, there was a twinkle in her eyes and an expression Sheridan had not seen her wear before.

"_Then I will tell you a great secret – perhaps, the greatest of all."_

And wasn't that more of an eye-opener than anything else Delenn might have to say? Sheridan had joked a few times – even recently – that the Minbari never told one the entire truth. And yet here she was, a Minbari, apparently in possession of "the greatest secret of all" and she was willing to share it with someone outside her race. Not for personal gain – not, as far as Sheridan could see, at least. But simply because it could be used to restore faith in the way things worked and Delenn seemed to understand what a lack of that might lead to.

"_The molecules of your body are the same molecules that make up this station and the Nebula outside; that burn within the stars themselves._"

Was that so? Sheridan himself had heard theories, an Earth physicist from the twentieth century had claimed something similar. It was a theory that could make one think about one's place in the world and with the way Delenn put it, it did not make an individual insignificant. As a matter of fact, Sheridan was almost beginning to believe that if there really was a grand scheme of things than he himself – along with everyone else – had a place of honour inside it.

"_We are Starstuff. We are the Universe made manifest, trying to figure itself out._"

Sheridan stared at her. _Starstuff_, she had said. _The Universe made manifest_. It sounded beautiful. It sounded right. It felt like a door was opening to until then unheard-of possibilities. He looked at the Ambassador with new eyes seeing her not only as a representative of the Minbari or as yet another political figure with yet another personal agenda, but as someone different from any of the people he knew. Someone who had not hesitated to offer him comfort and wise words and "the greatest secret that ever was". Someone who was keen to point out that Sheridan was no different from her. That they had something in common. That they were part of the universe and thus, in some strange, inexplicable way part of each other.

"_And sometimes, the universe needs a little change of perspective._"

Well, if that was what the universe required, this conversation had given it in plenty as far as Sheridan was concerned. He already felt like a changed man. It was not that his troubles had magically vanished or that his doubts weren't still gnawing at him. But things had settled down and, if anything, he had a better understanding of how everything was supposed to work. It all seemed much clearer now.

Sheridan did not know that day would end up a lot happier than he had first thought. Nor did he know at that moment that it had all been a preview to an even greater darkness and even greater doubts. But from then on, he decided to take everything head on. He had never once doubted his place for too long. All he had to do was to remember that day in the garden and the speech that had opened his eyes in so many ways.

**A.N I've always enjoyed this episode and that moment in the garden is one of my favourite scenes of all the shows I've watched. While I was watching it recently, it suddenly dawned on me how everyone could sort of relate to that scene – you know, moments of change and doubt about where we are and what we're doing are pretty much universal…So this was my take on what's in my opinion one of the most amazing TV moments of all time.**


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